At first, Memories of Mandi was a lifeline for me in order to continue being positive. I was so bogged down by all the negativity I saw in the situation that I needed to write about her in order to remember the positive.
Now that the initial sting of death has taken the backseat and acceptance is settling in, I'm finding it harder and harder to come back to this lifeline. I needed it then, to help me to let go, and now I fear it's only helping me to hold on.
Memories of Mandi will continue in every heart and soul as long as we exist. I do not need to write them in order for you each to treasure them. And we all have our own! The very few I've written, I'm sure, have done more for me than for anyone else, and if there's still some letting go that needs to be done for you personally, I suggest you try it... try some way of remembering, and reminding yourself what our beautiful Mandi has taught you.
As for myself, it's time for me to move on and try something different. I'll come back to this on occasion- of course- but Mandi never stopped for long. Mandi ran with life, and always found her smile before she really knew it was missing... just one more thing she taught me without even the slightest notion of doing so.
It's not over. Life goes on. It dances on, gracefully and happily, if you let it. And it does so more joyously, and more fully than before.
Having Mandi gone, I think, shouldn't scar us. She has so much to teach us! She still loves us, still watches out for us, still laughs and cries with us. Mandi's death shouldn't leave a hole in our hearts- it should leave us with a greater capacity to pass on the love she gave us. She didn't leave us, she simply gave us another reason to reach out and serve those around us. She doesn't want us to dwell on death, she wants us to move forward with life!
So move on. Charge forward. There is life yet to live, and love left to give. Our job now is to do so- with joy!
