My Buddy Syra

Hey friends! My lovely five followers. My friend Sierra (Syra) just started her own Blog, and is rather excited for everyone to see it! Look it up. :) She's pretty amazing!
 There you go, my update for the month- go read someone else. Haha. I'll be back with Titanic updates as soon as I've got a chance!

Quick Update...

Life is nuts! I'm currently participating in five or six musical/ artsy projects, and let me tell you... for one like me, it's the life! Loving it. I spend half my life more stressed than not... but I trust I'll look back at this time with fondness.
We just had General Conference! The most impactful thing for me was the announcement of the age change for young men and women to go on missions- that hits my age group right in the Keyster and changes all our five-year plans, just a little bit at least.
It was a lovely Conference weekend! I spent it with some beloved and rarely seen family members, along with meeting my pen pal from out of state! It was a lovely weekend... now I've jumped back into the river of chaos that is my life, but with a new strength and a new confidence... and having had a good emotional rest.
I'll face tomorrow as it comes.

Power

   When people say their hearts are numb, I don't think that's what it really means. I think people... hide. You know that percent of your brain that we 'don't use'? I think that's where all the emotion goes. I think we put it in there so we don't have to feel it. You know? And then we trick ourselves into thinking we're not as upset as we are, and then when we can't stop thinking about it, we beat ourselves up, saying, "What would happen if you were REALLY upset, huh? If something this little bugs you THIS much, you couldn't stand a chance if something big happened." Even if what's happening is actually big. Yeah. We do that to ourselves. Or at least... we let it happen to us. I let it happen to me. I...
Never mind.

To speak or not to speak? That... is a very good question.

So, I ended up going to my piano lesson. Between saying notes and counting out loud, by the end of the lesson I was hoarse again. I'd saved up my voice all day, signing things and such, and that half hour just shot it right back down. Ahh well. I let it rest afterwards... a little. 

At the end of every year in Box Elder, the new Madrigals learn a song called Invocation written by our choir director for her 1993-94 Madrigals. The text is Matthew 18:20. At the final concert, the director invites all the Madrigal alumni to come up to the stage, and together with the current Mads, they start singing this song. As they sing, the new Mads come onstage with them, and by the end of the song, everyone in the entire Auditorium is crying. If they're not, they don't like puppies or rainbows either. 

This morning, next year's Mads gathered in the Choir room at 7:20 to learn the song. I still didn't have much of a singing voice... and we didn't have much of a warm up either, so it was a bit tough. That and Concert Choir after that. So all day, every moment, I had to make a choice: To speak, or not to speak? 

Then that question became about much more than what speaking would do to my voice. That question became: What will speaking do to my soul? Ahh, when you wish to speak negative words, especially in retaliation to negative words (or actions), better to keep your mouth shut. In the end... hmm. I'll always be glad I did. 

'To be, or not to be, that is the question:'...

Another Form of Rescue

I woke up this morning and tried to moan in protest of the sunlight, but all that came out of my mouth was "Hhhhhhhh," and lots and lots of coughing.
I went downstairs to where my mom was playing the piano and managed to choke out, "Staying-home-school-today..."

The most frustrating things about this situation are as follows: First, I'm really sick. Sick enough to miss school, and therefore miss seeing that one guy. And all the other people, too. Second, today was an assembly day at school, and my Theatre teacher expressly told us NOT to cut class because of the assemblies. So she probably thinks I'm a sluffer now. Three... I have a piano lesson today, and however horribly I did on practicing, I REALLY don't want to miss it, because I've been so busy I've been canceling every other one, and that makes me feel like the most horrible student ever. So now I'm trying to decide: Go, and risk getting my piano teacher and her grandkids sick, or stay, and feel awful about it? I'm leaning towards going, but I might call her and ask her opinion on the subject. Seriously though. Every other lesson! I'm not exaggerating!

Yesterday, I had this really awesome conversation with my friend Parker*. He decided it was a good idea to attack my mailbox. He did it more than once. I'm fairly certain it was completely accidental. Both times. I was thinking next time I wouldn't let him sit under the mailbox... but on the other hand, maybe I will. :)
You know that list of rescuers I posted yeserday? I feel rather inclined to add Parker to that list. He's one of those friends who's just been there for... forever. He's made a huge impact on my life. I've known that since the beginning of our friendship. I always knew his influence would be big, but it's never been an impact that could qualify as 'rescue'. He's just always been there... being there, I guess. Making his mark in different ways.
He hasn't been a rescuer, though, until very recently. It hasn't even been a month. But ever since, he's been a helper, a confidant, and excuse my cheesiness, but, a big brother. I've talked to him about my boy problems and my boy triumphs. He talks to me about his not-girlfriend. We help each other. And honestly, helping people makes everything, including getting helped, that much better.
I love my friends!
I am so blessed! My Heavenly Father knew exactly when and why I would need all these people. He put them all right in my path, right when I needed them. They are themselves blessings! Today is a good day. Even without the use of my voice.
Fare thee well!

Jenica

*Name changed for his personal comfort and safety.

Sweet Seventeen.

Hello again! Yes, it's been awhile... but I MUST do a birthday post! Actually, I probably wouldn't have thought of my Blog at all if not for my lovely friend, M Avocado, who I wrote to a few posts ago. She wrote back on her blog, which post warmed my heart and inspired my soul. :) I love Miss Avocado! She is one of my greatest examples! Thank you for your encouragement and love. <3 You are amazing!
My life lately in a nutshell: Got home from Germany, spent the year not quite sure who my friends were. My sister graduated and left for College, leaving me so lonely I could hardly cope. I was rescued by three wonderful people: MD, my role model and hero; JB, my All-State 'escort', who probably doesn't even know how much he's done for me; and Air Head, (Air,) my bestest buddy and my first new friend. There are plenty more, but these three had the greatest impact.
Also, all three are seniors... meaning they're leaving me this year. I wonder if I'll be able to handle that. But after my sister leaving, I think I'll be okay. That was too hard for words.
I got a haircut. It's really cute.

Befoah

 Aftah

I made Mads this year; I'm SO excited to start! I didn't try out for Productions, which I really thought I'd do, but it didn't turn out to be the right thing, so I didn't. I went to All-State Choir (if you're in music and you haven't gone to All-State anything, do it;) State Theatre Competition, (where our school placed second,) and the Box Elder Choir Trip to California, which was incredible. I don't know what other really pivotal points have been in my life since last time I wrote, but then, so many things are pivotal in life, they could fill a library.
So, there is my year's summary. I truly hope you enjoyed it. Now on to... my Sweet Seventeen!

I woke up almost the same way I did last year... late. My mommy doesn't wake me up anymore though, she's decided that's my responsibility. I made it to Devotional on time, where my mommy said, "Seventeen years ago today, there was no little Jenica... and then there was a 'Waaaa, waaa,' and there she was!"
Then I went back to bed. I was late for Church as a result. I did make it in time to take the Sacrament, however; I put on my leggings and rode my bike there just to make sure I'd make it in time. Last week, I didn't get it; I was on a Choir Trip in California. We went to a Baptist Church and sang for them... it was a wonderful experience, but throughout the next week, I could feel the weight of my everyday sins on me. I felt... dark. It was palpable. So the thought of missing the Sacrament again... filled me with dread.
But I got it! And I felt weight lift off of me as I took it. I told Heavenly Father I was sorry for being late to Church, for snapping at my siblings, for not studying my scriptures as thoroughly as I should have. And I felt much, much better.
After Church, I watched 'Fireproof' with my brother and sister, (Good movie about coming to Christ,) and then Veggie tales with my other sister, (The Story of Esther,) and then I read my scriptures for a good fifteen minutes, (I think.) Then I took a nap... and woke up to my mommy saying, "Nica, your birthday dinner is ready." My family had prepared a picnic for me out in the sunshine. It was perfect light, perfect temperature, and perfect atmosphere. Peaceful, loving, and happy. When it started getting cold, we went inside and sat in the sitting room, where I opened presents. Most of my siblings forgot... but I think they minded more than I did. What could they get me that I really needed, anyway? Their kisses were the best thing about the whole experience! My five-year-old sister made me a notebook... she even lined the pages for me in crayon. My three-year-old brother drew a picture of me being sad... it was precious, even though it was very... strange. To draw a picture of someone crying in order to make them happy. Yeah. Well, he's three. He also brought me a picture of me happy, and a handful of leaves from outside. Honestly, that was one of the best things that happened that day.
After presents, we ate ice cream cake, which is cake made out of ice cream, (best dessert ever,) and then we went to bed.
Overall, it was a good day... and no. I don't feel any different now that I'm seventeen. Actually, I keep forgetting. Heheh.

Love,
Jenica