Memories of Mandi: Day 1

     Yesterday, walking home from a wonderful day at work, my sister met me partway and told me the news about Mandi.
     It still hasn't completely sunk in. Like the part of my mind that controls my emotions hasn't realized the gravity of what has occurred here. It comes in waves... just moments when tears come, and the rest is a hazy mess.
     The next few posts will continue to be Memories of Mandi. I don't see a particularly good reason to stop, so why do it? Besides, there are things she can yet do... lives she can yet change... through the legacy of her short, full, and beautiful life.
   

And so, today is day one again... a new beginning, if you will.

     Today's memory skips a few years since the last one. Cass and I stopped at Mandi's after mutual one night and talked to her for hours... telling stories, talking about Mandi's Blazer she was fixing up. It was almost ready to drive, if my memory serves me.
     We talked about boys, and friends, and the drama of teenage life. We talked about shared memories... Girls' Camp, mostly. Hikes. Late-night pranks. River rafting. We told silly stories, annoying stories, stalker stories... any stories we could think of. Occasionally, we even told inspiring stories, and got in deep, philosophical moods in which we stared dramatically towards the distant walls of the garage.
     Mandi's dog licked our pant legs and tried to knock us over, which was hilarious to us.. of course. Late at night, with our bodies chock-full of sugar from our activity, what wasn't hilarious?
     When the time came to go home, Mandi, knowing my house was a few blocks away, offered to drive me home. I told her no, no, there were streetlights, and besides, I liked walking... but all alone, walking in the dark, and scared, I wished with all my heart that she was with me.
     I never thought I'd have to repeat the experience... told myself that next time, I'd take her up on the offer, and enjoy her company instead of wandering scared by myself.
I won't say I feel alone... I won't say that I feel hopeless or lost. I still know where I am and why I'm here. I know where Mandi is. I know that Christ is always here, and that I am never alone. But yesterday, walking the rest of the way home alone, beginning the long journey of realizing that she really is gone... I felt as scared and lonely as I did that night I chose to walk in the dark.
     There was hope, though... hope that maybe, even for a little bit, she was with me after all.